I knew this day would come. I feared it. Had nightmares about it. Woke up with a cold sweat while Gomer drew runes of warding on our major appliances just in case we were going to have a Poltergeist re-enactment in our home. But the day has come. Today, on Logical Lyrics, we take a closer look at a Nicki Minaj song. Dear lord what have I agreed to?

"Pound The Alarm"

Oh, oh, oh, come fill my glass up a little more
We 'bout to get up, and burn this floor
You know we getting hotter, and hotter
Sexy and hotter, let's shut it down

I'm already lost. We started with topping off a drink and now she's either waking up or standing up from her VIP section of a club and is about to set the residence on fire. I was unaware that Minaj was an arsonist that took sexual pleasure in closing down a commercial enterprise by showing it's fire code violations in the worst way. There's a Brazil joke in there somewhere but that's a bit too tasteless even for me.

Yo, what I gotta do to show these girls that I own them -Did you pay for them through a human trafficking ring? If not, you do not own them.
Some call me Nicki, and some call me Roman -Because you have gone by several different stage names over the course of your career. The people calling you Roman are likely hipsters of a sort. Irony of irony.
Skeeza, pleeza, I'm in Ibiza (whoa) -No idea what those first two words were supposed to be but going to a Spanish island isn't that big a deal. Plenty of people vacation there.
Giuseppe Zannotti my own sneaker -Never heard of the brand but if other celebrity brands are anything to go by; horrifylingly and needlessly inflated price.
Sexy, sexy that's all I do -Not true, you also make up words to get rhymes in your raps. Or, more accurately, mangle time honored words in the English language in order to rhyme without trying too hard. Similar to a child punching the wrong puzzle piece into place.
If you need a bad bitch -Shy of needing people for a gang fight why would I need that?
Let me call a few -If, and that is a massive if, I need one, why are you calling many
Pumps on and them little mini skirts is out -I assume you mean the nighttime weather is warmer so you are seeing more pumps and mini skirts
I see some good girls, I'm a turn 'em out -I would love to see this; just imagine any time she sees a good girl she just goes off on them. It would be awesome to see her talking to little fans of hers and just loosing it on them because they clean their room.

Ok bottle, sip, bottle, guzzle -Welp, I know of one person whos going to have a killer headache in the morning.
I'm a bad bitch, no muzzle, what? -Many are the people who would agree with that statement, and not in a good way.
Bottle, sip, bottle, guzzle
I'm a bad bitch, no muzzle, let's go.

Music, makes me, high -Sirius Satellite Radio must have blown your freaking mind.

Oh, oh, oh, come fill my glass up a little more
We 'bout to get up, and burn this floor
You know we getting hotter, and hotter
Sexy and hotter, let's shut it down

Again with the arson. I can't wait to see what happens on the final night of American Idol. I might even watch the show for more than three minutes just to see if she lights that gasoline she's already spread across the stage.

Pound the alarm!
Pound the alarm! -Considering this comes out of nowhere and there has been no mention of some sort of time limit I'm assuming someone brought a clock radio into a club to go off when it's time for him to go home and they keep hitting the snooze button.

I wanna do it for the night, night -I'll be honest, I'm surprised it took this long to get to the sex
So get me now, and knock this over -Urgency suggests the bathroom stall will be occupied shortly
I wanna do it like you like, like -Unless he's the alley way kind of guy.
Come get me, baby, we're not getting younger -Have you seen Cher? With enough diet, exercise and a cement truck of plastic you too can have eternal youth.
I just want you tonight, night -And tomorrow you'll want someone else in a place that didn't myseriously burn to the ground. Yeah, I don't see why I should get into this.
Baby, we won't do it for life, life -You either mean that this isn't a long term relationship, or it's just sex, no pregnancy scam involved.

Music, makes me, high -No really, answer me this, do you get a buzz every time you hear the McDonald's jingle?

Oh, oh, oh, come fill my glass up a little more
We 'bout to get up, and burn this floor
You know we getting hotter, and hotter
Sexy and hotter, let's shut it down

"She went down, down, down, into a wheel of fire." Hey, I should do that one some time.

Pound the alarm!
Pound the alarm! -Who the hell brings a clock radio into a club? Is this what the nightlife fashion has finally devolved into? I'm glad I'm a pub guy.

Alarm!
Alarm!
Alarm!
Alarm! -Unplug that blasted thing!

Oh, oh, oh, come fill my glass up a little more
We 'bout to get up, and burn this floor
You know we getting hotter, and hotter
Sexy and hotter, let's shut it down

Alright, I am sick and tired of your threats. Get your @$$ up and set fire to the place or shut up. Empty threats do nothing but damage the little remaining respect I have for you as a human being.

Pound the alarm!
Pound the alarm!
Pound the alarm! -And leave that damned clock radio to burn too!

Holy god I made it. According to the jar of blood I had been vomiting through this endeavour I should probably be dead but I continue to function. I may be possessed. Thank you for that Nickey, as if I didn't already owe the local Luthran Church enough money.

Join me again next week for another Logical Lyrics!