With the huge success of the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie over the weekend Paramount has announced a sequel, let's look at what we know about this film already:
1. It has been announced
We know it will exist in the near future because the studio has said it will.
2. Characters from the hit film will be in the sequel, unless they are dead.
All your favourites like Leonardo and Del Vicho and Constable will return in the sequel, however because he died in the final battle of this new film Derek The Handiman/Wrenchman/Henchman will not be in it. Also unlikely to return: Diner Patron 7, Subway Passengers 2 & 5 and Newsreporter, who if you stuck through to the end credits turned out to be Krang, so no longer exists as Newsreporter.
3. New Characters will be added.
Nothing says a sequel like a bigger, bolder cast list. If The Expendables franchise has taught us anything its that expanding your cast list by about 40% each film is a genius idea, and no way Michael Bay will not allow this to happen to the TMNT franchise. Expect all your favourite characters from the comics and cartoons to be added in photorealistic visuals and with silly accents and most likely some hilarious one-liners like Bay knows how to do.
4. The plot will be at the very least slightly changed from this film's.
Let's not expect them to re-invent the wheel with the sequel, stick to what works, right? The turtles will fight off a bad guy using weapons and leap around and explode things. Maybe there'll be some ooze, or something about their origins, or Splinter will be given human serum and become human again, but still eat garbage for the 'lols'. I'm excited to see if Act 3 will have as many buildings destroyed, can they redo the magic of the first one the second go round?
5. You will go and see it despite everything you see and hear about it.
It doesn't matter if the trailers treat you as an audience like dirt, spitting in your eyes, insulting your mother, it doesn't matter if reputable sources across the world tell you, plead with you, not to see it because it is exactly the kind of lazy filmmaking that destroys creativity in Hollywood, you'll go and see it, and for a brief period of time you'll feel like you had a good time, then the film continues for another hour and ten minutes, you'll regret paying for it, plead with others to avoid, but why would they listen to you? You didn't listen to anyone else beforehand, and now the cycle continues.
Teenage Mutant Ninja 'Twotles' will be out before the aliens finally give us mercy by destroying human life for the foolish output we call 'cinema' these days.